It’s that time of year again. The time when the Yearly honors are bestowed. One of the best known is Time Magazine’s Person of the Year. The annual magazine cover used be ”Man of the Year” but the PC police replaced “Man” with “Person.” I suspect at some point it will be “Organism of the Year.” We don’t want to leave out animals and plants- that’s not PC. So I thought I would add my honor to the list to balance Time Magazine and others. I call my Yearly honor “D Bag of the Year. ” To be fair, the Time Magazine “Person of the Year’ isn’t necessarily a “good” person. They are just the “Person of the Year” according to the brain trust at Time. There have been several questionable characters on that list i.e. W, the Ayatollah, etc.
My motivation for D Bag of the Year is to highlight great examples of bad examples. These are people that do more harm than good. Many of these people would be more useful as food than members of society. Please don’t label me a Hater. I am a Lover with a dark side that emerges when I see a foul committed. Everyone has the right to throw a yellow flag (and a red challenge flag twice a game). This is me throwing my flag. So here are the finalists that didn’t win but deserve credit for discrediting themselves:
o Jesse James. What a nitwit. Did he really think he could fool all the people all the time. He wins the Tiger Woods Award but not the D Bad of the Year.
o Bernie Madoff. Bernie is a finalist again this Year because his actions led to the suicide of his Son. I wonder how the fellas in the cell block will celebrate this Holiday Season with Bernie.
o Philip Markoff. The Craig’s List Killer. A promising medical Student with a pretty Fiancée and the world by the balls. Apparently it wasn’t enough or he just had a screw loose. He robbed the family of the woman he murdered by offing himself this year before he could be prosecuted putting him the running for D Bag of the Year.
o LeBron James. The way he dissed the good people of Cleveland on the way out was classless, egotistical and selfish. It’s bad enough to be struggling to make ends meet in a rusting Industrial City without a kick in the balls.
o Major Nidal Malik Hasan. This D Bag killed innocent people and fellow soldiers on his Ft. Hood rampage. It’s bad enough our boys have to fight the enemy overseas. He is a Coward and a D Bag.
o Brett Farve. Sending pictures of your junk to a young woman is a good way to land yourself on the D Bag of the Year list. Thinking that you are so fabulous that the mere texting of an pic of your unit will cause women to rush to your bed in a horny fit is an even better way to get on the list.
o Tony Hayward. He wanted his life back even as birds were dying, fisherman were starving and the Gulf Coast line was awash in Petroleum from his well. I’d say he got his life back and a slot on the list.
o The Entire Cast of Jersey Shore. Are you F-in’ kiddin’ me. Apparently Americans are fascinated by human train wrecks. This is proof positive that being a major D Bag can make you famous. These guys are potentially perennial winners.
Winner of D Bad of the Year
John Edwards. This former trial lawyer and North Carolina Governor edges out some of our other Finalists. He might have escaped the dishonor of being crowned the winner had it not been for the unfortunate passing of his wife. This dude is as slippery and slimy as the Grinch without the redemption. His most D Bagalicious quality is his gift for prevarication. He has a black belt in lying. Congratulations John. You are the winner of the 2010 D Bag of the Year.
o Charles Rangel. Yes, you did it and no you can’t hide behind your elected desk and claim immunity.
o Julian Assuage. Yes he is. I actually love watching the Politicos squirm but this guy didn’t do it for the good of mankind. He did it for attention.
o Pfc. Bradley Manning. He stole confidential information and gave it to Assuage to publish knowing that it could compromise the safety of some. While his motivation may have been understandable, his approach was not.
o Nancy Pelosi. Sorry. Had to do it. She just irks me. So does Barney Frank. They fiddled while Rome burned and then screamed “fire.”
o Mahmud Ahmadinejad. The President of Iran is more of a rabble-rouser than the true head of State but his threatening rhetoric is sufficient to win him a spot on the list.
o Kim Jong. This big-haired dictator is rattling his little saber in Asia. He is in the same basic class at Ahmadinejad.
o Mark Sanford. The South Carolina Governor squeaks onto the list because he is such a weasel. He doesn’t make it up to the finalist section because he fesses up when pinned down.
Editor’s Note: You may have noticed that the list this year is full of Politicians. Sad but true. The very people that we elect and entrust with our well being seem to have a propensity to act like D Bags. I think one reason is because dishonesty, hubris and abuse of power are sure-fire ways to land on the list. Another reason is that the public light shines brightest on celebrities; and, elected officials tend to have a deep-seated desire for attention. Unfortunately for them, attention is a double-edged sword.
Who didn’t make the list? Adam Wheeler, the 24 year old student that lied his way into Harvard and received $50k in scholarships and grants pretending to be a transfer student from MIT and Phillips Academy with a stellar record of achievement. In reality, he was a B student from Bowdoin. The lying and robbing another student of a chance to go to Harvard is a D Bag move but he does get points for his Chutzpah. I wonder how many others have gotten away with that. Methinks a bunch. That’s it for this Year’s list. Tune in next Year to see who’s been naughty and a major league D Bag.